Week 23: So Dumb, Really Dumb, Forreal Awards

Winner: NFL Owners
Even in a week where there is no NFL, there’s an NFL winner.

Dear NFL Owners.
You are 32 of the richest people in the world [well, 31, minus Green Bay]. The NFL is worth billions of dollars – not to mention the hundreds of millions that you may own yourself.

To put it in short:
-Billion dollars at stake that the NFL owners want to take a larger share of
-Want to convert two more games to get additional revenue, while further risking injury to players that are already too injury prone as it is and a roster limit that they refuse to increase [all while trumpeting player safety. oh the irony]

It is very difficult to imagine that any of you are losing money on the game – yet you threaten a lockout to get MORE profit? Is there a single person who’s on the side of the owners besides Goodell and their lawyers? You guys are already raping us out the ass for full priced preseason tickets, 20 dollar parking, 10 dollar beers and a stadium experience increasingly inferior to the ones we have at home. And we buy your tickets in SPITE of that, not because of it.

Why are you doing this? We love football – but a lockout is never good for ANYONE. Ask baseball, which suffered for years until the home run chase in the late 90s brought people back to the parks. Ask hockey, which still is stuck on Versus. As Gregg Easterbrook is fond of saying, “there is no law that requires the NFL to remain popular”. And because you’re all a bunch of greedy fuck bags who have a problem with the current agreement, you want to ruin a good thing going. The last 4 Super Bowls have been pretty damn good. The game is getting more and more popular. Why tamper with what isn’t broken?

Stop canceling meetings and get in there and negotiate, you dumbfucks.

The Pittsburgh Pirates -
for losing an arbitration deal to a guy who went 1-11 last year. While I know those wins don’t count for everything, the headline is still hilarious.

i seriously wonder if i’ll get married before the pirates have another winning season, LOL.

America -
especially in this economy, it saddens me that a million people have plopped down the 12.99 to buy Nicki Minaj’s CD – aka the ghetto Gaga
i mean seriously? I can think of a thousand things I’d rather buy before a Minaj CD. Oh, and maybe a thousand and first thing to do with the money – SAVE IT.

Cavs [and subsequently, the LA Clippers] -
We salute you, Cleveland Cavaliers, for setting a new record for NBA futility. You have anchored my column for about 3 straight weeks now, and are so dumb, really dumb, forreal, for ruining an epic Streak vs Streak matchup for today [Washington's 0-21 on the road vs Cavs 28 game losign streak, if it had lasted that long]. Instead, the Clippers had to fuck that all up. So thanks, Clippers. For doing what no team could do in almost a month and a half – lose to the Cleveland CavaLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLiers. /facepalm

-11 point differential per game. Meaning that their average loss is pretty much a blowout. Kinda says it all, don’t it?

Mark Buerhle -

http://www.sportsbybrooks.com/mlber-something-bad-needs-to-happen-to-vick-29482

hey mark
something bad did happen to Vick
it’s called JAIL.
continuing to bastardize him for a crime that he’s already paid his sentence for is ridiculous and vindictive. so dumb.
secondly, animal rights groups/activists are often hypocritical – and if I find out Mark Buerhle isn’t a vegetarian, my next press conference to MLB.com might go a little something like this…

“He had a great year and a great comeback, but there were times where I watched the game and I know it’s bad to say, but there were times where I hope he got hurt. Everything you’ve done to these cows/chickens/lambs/goats, something bad needs to happen to this guy.”

you know.
just saying.

http://kotaku.com/#!5755061/expert-says-sexy-scenes-in-video-games-lead-to-sexual-violence

so lemme get this straight, Fox News
Bulletstorm doesn’t even HAVE any of these acts being performed
yet their mere name being included in game will automatically make my kids prone to sexual violence? and what makes video games a more harmful medium than rap music or television, exactly? please, tell me. and enlighten me and the other millions of gamers who happen to not have shot up our school with an AK-47.

motherfuckin sensationalist ass media. and by extension, motherfuckin old school ignorant ass reporters who have never touched a video game in their life acting like they know what the fuck theys talkin bout [remember the Mass Effect 2 fiasco, where they claimed that the sex scene was inappropriate, despite it being the end game resolution of a romantic and meaningful relationship? /facepalm]

SNL – for completely and utterly unimaginative use of Russell Brand. Not one, not two, but THREE, THREE British humor related sketches. Mind you, the episode had some high points [Killam/Pharoah pretending to be Wayne and Eminem, for example], but I felt that they wasted his potential, being a comedian and all already. Props on the monologue. For the most part, lots of terrible sketches last night.

Fedor – for how slow and old you looked in the ring on Saturday. You will always be a legend for your 10 year undefeated streak, but…man. The Last Emperor needs to get off his throne now.

[sidenote; /wistfully dreaming of a superfight that was never meant to happen]

of course Dana White had alot of fun that night. and ultimately, he may have been right. We’ll never know if Fedor was overrated or not. So thanks for that, Vadem Finklestein.

Albert Haynesworth – everybody’s favorite overpaid space consumer was arrested this week for punching a guy on the road. that’s more fight than he showed all season.