Week 24: So Dumb, Really Dumb, Forreal Awards

February 20th, 2011

Winners [no runaway winner]: The St. Louis Cardinals
Because you said you aggressively tried to sign Albert Pujols, yet all reports out of your camp said that you made a total of one offer all offseason. Now, do I believe he’ll stay in St. Louis? Probably. But whether or not they or Albert like it, this WILL be an issue for the rest of the year. You guys didn’t even aim to make a serious offer, it seems. But on another not if Albert was truly committed to winning, he would not aim to become the highest paid player in the game – it would hurt his team’s chances of putting good players around him. Same goes for Peyton Manning, in a way. I mean, both of them are already rich beyond belief. Why ruin your team’s cap? I wish more athletes recognized this, really.

America
Because you voted Justin Beiber MVP of the Celebrity All-star game this weekend. First of all, I am morally averse to any sentence in the English language that combines the words Beiber and win. It’s nearly paradoxical [the Grammys proved that last week]. Secondly, the kid played terribly – AND his team didn’t even win. You also voted Blake Griffin the Slam Dunk Contest winner, despite a fairly average leap over a car. It could’ve seriously been argued that any of the other three guys deserved to win more than Blake Griffin [I'm partial to McGee, myself.], but the contest was rigged for the hometown boy to win. Still, two egregious voting debacles this week? SDRD, America.

[sidenote; I really enjoyed the Dunk Contest this year. Guys all brought their A game. I saw many things that I have never seen before, including the two rim dunk with McGee and the Ibaka teddy bear off the rim. Both were awesome. Now, if Blake had legitimately jumped over the sunroof of the car, that would have been the greatest dunk of all time, bar none. Especially with the choir in the background. But Charles Barkley was right. The car dunk was rather lame.]

The Alabama state trooper that poisoned the trees at Auburn
Because you have proven that the South is a bunch of inbred hick dumbasses who take football too seriously. I’m all for college pranks, but there’s a certain line that you can’t cross -
you can steal Uga and dress him in a Florida sweatshirt, but you can’t put him in a dogfight and eat him.
you can steal Tommy the Trojan’s sword and replace it with a wooden one, but you can’t turn the horse he rides on into glue.

that’s just classless, and stupid. This is the kind of childish and immature action I would expect out of a college student, not a 50 year old man. I mean, would you like Auburn fans to come and melt the statue of Bear Bryant that you have on your campus? No? Didn’t think so. My anger at this issue stems not from the fact that he killed some trees [let's face it, you and I kill trees for a lot less], but rather, how seriously this guy was willing to take the Alabama/Auburn rivalry. At the end of the day, it’s just sports. And now you face prison time for it. Good work. lolbama

The American government under George W. Bush -

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41609536/ns/world_news-mideast/n_africa/

Kind of makes you wonder…

People who say Lara Logan deserved it -
Really? In no circumstance is rape acceptable. This is not the Middle Ages. It is a tragedy and a crime that someone who is trying to do their job gets sexually assaulted – but it is equally tragic that anyone could even seriously try justifying this.

Miguel Cabrera -
I am seriously contemplating adding “Do you know who I am? You don’t know about my problems” into my rotation of sporting catchphrases. However, I do sincerely hope that you get your alcoholism worked out. But next time, hire a driver.

Please.

LA Lakers -
in particular, Kobe Bryant, who shot a disturbing 8-24 this week against the Cleveland Cavaliers, leading to one of the worst losses of the season for them. Mind you, they wasted a 30 point, 20 rebound effort by Pau Gasol and were shredded by Ramon – FREAKIN – SESSIONS. I said it on Christmas Day too. This Lakers team is probably cruising along into the playoffs, but they definitely have the “Curse of More” [see: Bill Simmons]. Really though? The CAVS?

Michael Vick haters
Seriously? This week you guys forced Vick to get off of Oprah for fear of retaliation. What does he have to do to redeem himself in your eyes, exactly? He’s been a model citizen since he’s come back to the NFL. He does outreach against animal violence now. He has apologized and served his time, so why do people continue to demonize him?

Cameron Maybin

http://www.gaslampball.com/2011/2/15/1995401/cameron-maybin-warns-against-eating-panda-express-padres-and-panda

you might want to figure out who signs your checks before you open your face.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/allstar2011/news/story?id=6137719

And this week’s seriously too crazy to believe link…

http://deadspin.com/#!5763713/hiv+positive-tommy-morrison-says-hiv-doesnt-exist-so-he-has-unprotected-sex-every-day

Advertisement