Just Some Stuff.

I’ve said the worst words in the English language come in twos. Sometimes I think the most inspiring ones – for me – come in twos too.

Everyday epiphany, infinite possibility, necessary angel [one of my favorite quotes that talks about writing], so ambitious…Sometimes I have thoughts of getting a small tattoo on my arm. Nothing huge. Just small enough so I can cover it with a watch.

latenightwisdom: “Life’s not meant to be lived in a straight line.”
latenightwisdom: “A woman’s fury is like a storm – it too, shall pass.”

3/26/10 – A Yearful of Magic.

So, I should really be working on my paper right now. Well, I’m almost done through three pages, but man, this thing has gone on pretty slowly. Goddamned T.S. Eliot.

No, today, I’m writing about UC Berkeley [again]. Today marks a year since I received my acceptance letter, and I just wanted to kinda jot down all the things that I’m thinking about now, and all the things that have happened to me since then.

That was…maybe one of the best days of my life – secretly hoping, praying that everything I wanted since I was 7 to come true. I remember everything – like it was yesterday..I remember who I was with, where I was, what time it was…and then two hours later, getting the phone call from Sam to tell me that she had made it in too. Sure, the letter said spring admission. Whatever. I had to wait an extra three months, but it was worth it. I knocked 5 GE’s out of the way, and I currently have sophomore status. That’s not the point. On that day…everything in my life changed. I was so happy then.

This year, none of my friends wanted to go to Cal from class of 2010. Nobody. That means that I was mostly likely never going to see any one of them again – because most of the times, my friendships dissolve into me giving more of a shit than anyone else does. Sam’s right. Not everyone’s as dedicated a friend as me, but we’ll get into that some other time. Except Wendy. Wendy wanted to go. She didn’t get into UCLA – her dream school – but she was more than willing to come to Cal with me…I guess, out of all my 2010 friends – sorry Jen, sorry Syd – she’s the one I feel most comfortable with. We hang out the most, and she actually manages to make time in her life for me, which I cannot say about everyone else. The one I was really hoping would stay with me.

But she didn’t get in.

It seems nobody’s getting in anywhere this year because of the budget cuts. Kids who are overly qualified for LA, for Davis are getting turned away for some reason beyond my damned comprehension. Whatever. I guess I’m really upset that everything’s gonna fall apart with them, and none of them are even gonna care enough to notice. Oh well. Even more than that, I feel like a failure of a teacher. Two of my students didn’t get into the schools they wanted =T. Another was waitlisted from the one she wanted. I keep thinking maybe there is something I could’ve done, if I had worked a little harder, or changed something here or there, maybe it would’ve made a difference..

What could I have done? How should I be feeling?

Sigh.

And then a weirder thing happened. I saw her again. She didn’t see me…but it got me thinking how much different my life has been since she opened my letter with me. Haha..

This last year has been amazing. Please don’t ever get me wrong about that. I’ve done everything I’ve wanted to do, everything I could’ve hoped to do. I’ve made it over to Berkeley and been able to be myself, and I haven’t fallen behind or felt extraordinarily out of place. I’ve managed to keep everything together – well, almost everyone, but that’s an entry for another time. Worth the wait. Worth every day, every minute, every second I had to suffer through City College of SF. What other school would encourage me to be such a nerd, to be comfortable with who I am? Maybe every school. But I’m at Cal. And that’s all I have to go off of. I love it. <3

"It was everything I dreamed."

Another Month Already?!

Eric tells me that if I’m not blogging, it means I’m happy and have nothing to complain about. He may be right, since most of my non-complainy articles are in the summer, when I actually have time to write.

So, here we are at the midway of the semester. How do I feel?

One Month In [AKA, Post #75]

I love Berkeley. I honestly do. The atmosphere, the people, the clubs, the learning…all of it. The last thing to really fall into play for me was the academics. As I’ve detailed before, I didn’t think I was smart enough to be here – but I got a real surprise on my first paper for English. My GSI told me that it was a B+/A- level, and that I have a very good ear for syntax, flow and grammar. Extremely surprising, and more than I could’ve hoped for. What’s even more surprising is how well Barrett has prepared me for college.

Spencer’s main comments were that I didn’t open up the issue enough.
Barrett always wrote on my papers that I need to “follow through”, or open the issue up MORE.

The workshop’s lecture on thesis building is identical to Barrett’s. Right down to “So what?”

Honestly I think I’ve been really lucky to been given all these tools for success. [Thank you too, Miss Maroun, for helping me discover how subtle - and infinitely useful - syntax is.] Now, I’m not about to get complacent or anything…but it’s encouraging to know that I’m at least not at the wrong school. LOL. That paper was ungraded though, so the real thing starts this Friday.

I’ve been working all week on Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray”, trying to write my paper on proving the secret of the book [which Blanton alludes to] is more about art than it is homosexuality. Coming along pretty well, I think. Right now I’m taking a break to update my blog.

What’s happened since the last time I wrote?

Right. Super Bowl. Colts lost that game when they refused to put pressure on Brees, letting him pick them apart. A bigger commitment to the run game in the second half would’ve helped. Had a really great time with my boys, singing and watching the game. Thumbs down for Extreme Pizza, which cost me 100 bucks for 3 XL pizzas. Goddamn. Poor Peyton…you had a chance to move into the top 3 of all time [which, you still will be at the end of your career], but you blew it. You could’ve been the greatest of all time. But now, it’s clear – you are only an average QB. Better than anyone in the regular season [seriously, 7 come from behinds this year?] but can’t get it done during the Big One. Sorry, man. That doubly sucks, because I really think you’re a funny dude.

The aforementioned Rock the Block concert was so dope. You couldn’t understand the artists too well, but there’s just this massive energy at hip-hop concerts. I LOVE S4HH. They make my Tuesday nights, really.

Magic is easy, but I’m too shy to hang out or play with other people. Mostly I sit there by myself and do the homework for the next week. Speaking of which, they thought my decklist for week one was excellent. This week’s assignment? Make a deck with 5 of the worst 100 cards in Magic. I did it reanimator style, though this assignment really sucked ass. I was not happy with how the deck piloted at all [but that's probably because I'm not a black player].

Italian Studies? I probably couldn’t tell you what’s happening, I’m asleep half the time…And I have that paper due Wednesday. Woot, way to go, massively behind. Hahahahahaha.

While the day to day details of my life aren’t quite as interesting, let me take a moment out to rail on some phenomena in my life. I touched on this with my last post, but why is it that you can give everything to people, not get a thing back but backstabs and heart break, and still somehow YOU’RE wrong? Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck ungrateful ass friends and people who don’t put the effort in.

The view from Free Speech Movement cafe is really nice. Definitely date material worthy.

Ended up buying GTA 4 and NBA Street Homecourt. Homecourt is fun, but a little too easy [at least on medium]. I picked it up fairly well, but I haven’t been able to play either GTA or Dead Space yet. I may not be able to for a while, with school picking up and stuff.

Hope all you guys had a good Valentine’s Day/Lunar New Year. I gotta jet though. Magic awaits. Also, my laptop battery is dying.

I love Cal.

College and Assorted Thoughts

-It was sweet, poetic justice to watch Brett Favre fail miserably last Sunday. That may sound harsh, but the reality of it was that that play was exactly what we expected from him. An interception to end the season, often on a poorly thrown ball of some kind. Some people say – “We wouldn’t have gotten that far without Brett”. You made it to an NFCCG. With Gus Frerotte and Tarvaris Jackson, you made it to the second weekend. That means overall, Brett Favre represented 3 more wins on a season. Really? For all that? Three wins? Marginal improvement, really. Tracy Porter sure as hell redeemed the crap out of himself for the PI call on Berrian…and then topped it off with a badass Jared Allen taunt. Do I think they will pressure Manning this time? Doubt it. Make no mistake, Favre was gutsy to even be out there…but I have to say I enjoyed watching karma catch up to him.

Liveblogging my First Day at Cal

8:57 – Sitting in the Life Sciences building, using AirBears [wireless internet]. It is pouring incredibly outside. Sweet Jesus. My first class [in fact, most of my classes] are in 2 Leconte Hall, but I don’t feel like making the walk over there yet. It’s raining way too hard. And I just got out of the rain after finally paying off my bills. Fucking Bank of America refused to transfer the money to Cal, so I had to go and drop off the check myself. I really think I’m starting to get a feel for navigating campus though. Lunch later today with Kira, Eric, and Merany. [Two of them are from my Spring Orientation group, and they are both English majors <3]. Funny how my first class happens to be English. What an appropriate way to start my college life.

9:00 – Adrenaline kicking in. I didn't sleep at all last night – fucking rain on my window kept waking me up. I don't remember it raining this hard for this long in my entire life, to be honest. And there was even a friggin tornado warning for Irvine yesterday. Crazy stuff we got goin' on in Cali. I will LOL if any of my future classmates read this. Hi, English 45C? :]

9:36 – Even wetter now. Waiting for class. Looks like I'm in the right place.

2:37 – Just finished my classes for the day. Recapping:
-English 45C – 65% girls. Professor Blanton gave a very eyeopening lecture that basically boiled down to this: To understand 19th and 20th century literature, we have to first realize that it is build primarily on the foundations of the past. And then he assigned a poem for us to analyze, which I’ve been working on for a while now.
-Italian Studies 50 – Classroom was packed, and Professor Regan gave us a basic overview of the class. Involves architecture, art, the development of language, Italian society…a lot of things. A TON of things, even. I saw some pictures of Italian landmarks I recognized. Why? Because I FUCKING CLIMBED THEM IN ASSASSIN’S CREED 2! LMFAO. Looks like it will be a fun class though. I’m particularly interested in Dante.
-Lunch – met up with Kira, Merany and Eric. It stopped raining by this point. Sun came out. We headed to Blondie’s, after I bought my reader. They’re really awesome and fun. Laughed alot. “YOU ARE SUCH A NERD!!!”
-Philosophy 11 – Boring. Read the syllabus. Couldn’t get a feel from the class, though we’ll be arguing interesting topics like whether or not God exists, whether prayer works…things like that.
Went to the library to work on my notes for the poem.

5:00 – Met up with Eric and Christina to go get their readers, and stop in at Calapalooza. No clubs really interested me [I can't join newspaper this year, not talented enough], but I did sign up for Students for Hip-Hop. Which is for enthusiasts, not dancers. The guy at the table seemed to not believe I was into hip-hop. Conversation went like this:

Guy asked me if I do anything special, like breakdance.
I say no. [I didn't tell him I rap.]
Guy asked me who some of my favorite artists were.
I said lately? Fashawn and Jay Electronica.
Guy says cool, cool. Those guys are really dope.

I put down my email. Am looking forward to being in club, since we put out concerts and stuff. I don’t know what else, but I heard they do cyphers and freestyle battles too. After, went to Eric’s dorm, hung out, played pool. Went home.

Wanted to try this workshop designed to improve your skills for 45C [english], but it doesn’t look like I have the time for it. I have an interview tomorrow, though. No anime class till next week. Might end up being at Cal 5 times a week though -
Monday: Eng/Ital/Phil
Tuesday: Phil discussion, Magic in the afternoon [possibly], Hip-Hop Club at night
Wednesday: Eng/Ital/Phil
Thursday: Anime [8 weeks]
Friday: Eng/Ital/Phil

If I get that job tomorrow, I’ll go to work those four days after Eng/Ital/Phil, and then on Friday, I’ll come back up to Berkeley to chill for a little while.

The only bad thing about today was not getting to meet anyone in lecture. I kinda kept to myself, but I expect things to get better in discussion.

What a good day. I feel like Ice Cube.

“Philosophical and Stuff”

My friends moved in recently to Berkeley. And now, now it’s starting to feel…real. That I’ve waited 11 years of my life to be here. To finally reach this place, to make it to the school of my dreams. Am I excited? Absolutely. I knew it from the first time I ever stepped foot on campus – this is the place I want to be. The perfect place for me.

Am I terrified? You bet your ass.

See, on top of everything about school and my skill level and everything…the thing that scares me the most is finally testing my Keep in Touches. What’s that mean? In my entire life, only one friend has actually made the jump with me after graduating. Everybody else seems to fall by the way side. So here I am, going through it again. Waiting to see if everything comes crashing down again, if all those well wishes and promises are fake. Hahaha.

You might think I’m lucky to have two of my best friends come with me this time. Well, I certainly hope so.

I’m just afraid of this – Sometimes you build things up in your head, only to be let down when they actually happen.

Just My Thoughts [Again]

-Everybody went back to college. So here I am, with nothing to do, waiting anxiously for the next two weeks to pass. Real glad I got to go see everybody I wanted to see, though. It’s good to know some people never change.

2010

I’ve taken to naming the years of my life lately.
2007: Lucky
2008: Revival
2009: On the Precipice of Great Changes

So, what would I like 2010 to be called?

The State of Life – December 23rd, 2009 [MEGA Edition]

It’s been a long while since I had enough time to write a long ass post. Luckily, I now have the time. Hit the jump and check out what I’ve been up to the last few weeks, plus my thoughts on Million Dollar Baby, Borderlands, Assassin’s Creed 2…etc.